Truth Hurts... But Heals.

It's been quite a while since I last posted... Lots has happened--emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually.

There's just been battle after battle being fought. I don't know what it is about recently, but I am exhausted, on so many levels. It definitely seems as though Satan is trying to get the best of me, and unfortunately in some aspects he has, and I'm ashamed to admit that. It's hard, and yes I know that is no excuse in the least. Satan definitely just knows the right places to strike, the places that are my weakest. Though now that I recognize them as a weak spot, that means I have lots of work ahead of me.

Today I ran across this verse that spoke VOLUMES of truth to me:

"That's right. Because I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go. I'm telling you, 'Don't panic. I'm right here to help you.'"

[Isaiah 41:13-- The Message]

Now normally I don't read from the Message, but since I am Bible-less currently (me being the blonde that I am left my Bible in the family van and forgot to take it out before leaving back for Asbury) I have been reading various things online in all kinds of translations. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, as long as you are not taking the scripture out of context. To delve deep into the Word of God, I don't think the Message is an accurate translation or study tool, but it is definitely still a tool that speaks the words of God. 

I digress.

I read this verse and literally in my head said, "Wow." There really weren't many other words. The biggest struggles recently have been with friends and with my own self confidence... Maybe I come across as someone who has it all together, and has no need of other people along side of me (something of which I probably need to work on) but that couldn't be further from the truth. Just because I am not struggling with something that everyone else can see, doesn't mean that I'm not struggling. I still need those people to come along side of me and dig deeper, to find out the real things that are bothering me. But then I realized... I have someone who is WILLING and does that on a regular basis.. Christ. The only one who can really give me the peace and comfort that I am looking for. Recently I've taken things back in my own hands, and heaven knows why because it's ended disastrous, as it always does. Seriously though... Why would I do that when I KNOW that God has a "firm grip" on me and that He ISN'T letting me go. Despite everything that I do, He still remains. His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me. Why am I panic-ing over something that I have no control over? If I simply give it over to God then everything would seriously be alright.

That's too cliche sounding though. So what does it actually mean to let go and let God?

As I was scrolling through Facebook today I came across my pastor's blog that he had just recently updated.. Curious, I decided to open it and read it. Little did I know that it would be a big shining light that blinded me with truth. 

[Side note: I've gotten a lot of that recently... Truth, that is. Last weekend at home was not the most pleasant experience of my life. Lots of walking on egg shells with my family, and little did I know that my family was walking on egg shells with me as well. It finally came down to a semi-debating match in which it was me against my parents (note to anyone reading: YOU WILL NEVER WIN.) But my parents did speak a lot of truth... I won't lie- it hurt. REALLY bad. The thing that got me was when my dad said that the perfect guy might be right around the corner but I'll run him away with how I was acting towards and treating my family... Not that marriage is normally a good "deal breaker," but woah my dad knew that that is a thing which Asbury girls think a lot about, and that of course, I think about often... So it hit home. I don't think that means things with my family will be perfect, but I'm going to try harder to enhance those relationships. ANYWAYS... Done with that long *little* side note.]

But what Pastor Randy was talking about was how our actions should hold a magnifying glass over the new life Christ has given up by rising from the dead and the ultimate triumph over death. Then he proceeded to type a list of things that includes... And the few that hit me are:

1. Forgive someone who has offended you

5. Perform an act of kindness to someone in need

12. Change a habit that is enslaving you

I've found myself so concerned with what is going on with ME. It's all about ME. Rather than what is happening with everyone else... My dad challenged me to spend one day being COMPLETELY focused on someone other than myself... That's a lot harder said than done, but little by little, I am going to try to reach out to others, because the heavenly rewards will be so worth it. It might be taxing, hard, or even painful, but it's something that needs to happen. The world doesn't revolve around me. Or anyone besides Christ. And so often that is forgotten in the perfect life of an American... I'm hoping to implement this even more as I go to Nicaragua in May!

There has been an opportunity to go with Ron Brown and a group of about 20 people to Nicaragua in May! I am beyond excited about it! It's going to be an amazing ministry, and also a wonderful time in a country that I absolutely adore! Words cannot even express how excited I am to go!! Please keep the team and myself in your prayers when you think of it. God is going to work in some mighty ways, and I'm looking forward to them!

So today I am remembering that God is greater than anything... Than any struggle... Than any insecurity... Than any problems... Than EVERYTHING. And others come right after God in my life... A little acronym that I learned in Elementary School, though still applicable today is JOY. 

J-esus

O-thers

Y-ou

Something that I still need to follow today... 

As you go through this day, remember all of the promises that God gives us. Open the Bible and read His word.. That's the only way to get to know Him and all of His wonderfulness, and the truth that He wrote to be spoken into our lives.

Reality

Unfortunately Spring Break has come to an end... Which means numerous other things have as well, such as:

1. Sleeping in.

2. Sleep in general.

3. Freedom to be lazy all day long.

4. Being with my family.

5. Eating GOOD, edible food.

6. Seeing all of my friends in Bristol.

7. Not having continuous homework.

BUT it does mean that I come back to some wonderful things, such as:

1. My first grade kiddos at Brookside Elementary-- YAY!!!

2. My wonderful roommate, who even helped me carry my stuff up to my room from my car, and trust me.. it was kinda a lot ;)

3. My GORGEOUS friends- Elisabeth, Hunter, and Courtney :)

4. The little town of Wilmore.

5. Mt. Pleasant Baptist Church

6. Common Grounds

7. ORANGE LEAF AND FIESTA!!!!!! (Yes, I am quite excited about both of these food places, despite them being on complete opposite spectrums of food... They're delicious. Frozen yogurt and Mexican, can't get much better!)

Coming back also means having a butt-load of work to do. This week reality hits HARD.

This is my last week of practicum (insert an extremely sad Grace right here...) and it's going to be terribly hard to say goodbye to my little first graders, and my wonderful teacher! Thankfully, I have nothing Tuesday mornings, so I'll get to go in there every once in a while to help out! But with finishing practicum comes a lot of papers, most of which I got done over Spring Break (Thank the Lord!) but also finalizing anything that will need to be done.

Also, I have a HUGE interview this week. If you think of it, please be praying for me. It's my official interview to be accepted into the Asbury University Education Program! So kind of a big deal, since that's what I want to do for the rest of my life... The equivilant I could compare it to is passing Boards at Medical School that med students take throughout their time there... It's the beginning of one of the Gates that I will have to pass in order to get my teaching liscense! Praying that God will give me wisdom, and that I will be able to clearly speak and show them the passion that I have for teaching kids! On top of that, I have to complete a portfolio to be graded... Just a little bit of pressure! But at least it's for something that I absolutely love and am really excited about taking this next step :)

So as reality hits, so does the tired-ness of it all... You would never know I just slept an average of 10 hours/night for the past week at home with how tired I am! Guess I'm just getting old... I mean... Almost halfway to 20! What is this coming to?? ;)

But I do know that God is good and He is definitely going to be my source of strength this week, as I head back into reality. And I don't know what is ahead... Another reality check right there. I hope and pray I get accepted into the Education program, and that I can continue on in this wonderful journey!

 Remember to praise Him this week for helping you through the week, afterall none of us could do it without Him!

Ponder this:
"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."

Blessings

Blessings sometimes come in the rarest, but most wonderful ways. Other times they can come in the most obvious manner, but it takes a little bit to realize and recognize the blessing.

Blessings that  I can so clearly see in my life is through these BEAUTIFUL girls that you see in the picture above. I couldn't have asked for more wonderful friends that I've found at Asbury University. Each and every one of them have been with me through everything that has transpired this past year, and I couldn't thank God enough for them!!

Courtney:

This girls is so incredibly beautiful inside and out. She may appear to be quiet and reserved, but once you get to know her, she has the most encouraging words to say AT ALL TIMES, and with that comes a little bit of sass, but all out of love, is what I'm told :) I'm so incredibly thankful for her! I'm surprised she's stuck with being my friend with everything that I've complained, cried, or chattered about! She is definitely the definition of a true friend, and is such a blessing in my life! Little did I know that a blessing of a friendship could come out of a class such as New Testament with Neil Anderson... That in and of itself is a blessing ;) Love you Court!!

Elisabeth:

Oh this girl... I could go on and on about her! She has really been a blessing in disguise, in so many ways! It's so fun to have a friend that is just as passionate about teaching kids as I am :) We can go through this education program at Asbury together, and hopefully survive! She is such an encouragement. We've both been through some rough time,s but it's when we open up to each other and just pour out God's love, is when and where our friendship deepens to a whole new level. I could not have asked for a better friend! Through think and thin I know Elisabeth will always be there for me! You are such a blessing in my life, Lis! Despite everything that has happened, I can so clearly see God working in both of our lives, and someday that fairy tale ending will happen, because it's what we deserve! I love you so much!!

Hunter:

Where to even begin... You've been a blessing since the first minute that I met you.. On that fateful night where Dad got food poisoning after eating at Sonny's ;) Won't even let you live that one down! But in all seriousness... I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you, especially with everything that has transpired! Not once have you ever told me to be quiet, or to just suck it up...No, instead you've been there with a listening ear, always willing to give advice and then just give me a hug. You've seen me cry more than anyone else... Which I don't know if that's a good thing, but hey, guess  college changes a lot of things, even tear ducts! I love you LOTS and you are such a blessing in my life; from the texts that we have going back and forth on a daily basis, to our devotional talks on Tuesdays.... Well it's all amazing!

There are so many other blessings that I could talk about... For example:

Nicole-- who I just had the opportunity to spend a day with and go shopping in Pigeon Forge! It was a fantastically wonderful day, and such a blessing just to get some girl time with her :)

Lynnette and Shelby-- whom I got to see while I was up in Indiana! They are always SUCH a joy to be around. True best friends right there. I know I will always have them, no matter what happens. They are true blessings in my life!

Ellen-- Oh this girl... Always making me smile :) A true blessing from Bristol, TN! I didn't know I could have a friend like her after moving away, but alas, God has something fantastic in store!

Sarah-- My roommate is pretty much the best. Ever. That's about all I can say. Despite my crappy moods sometimes, and the lack of even being in the room, I know she still loves me, and she's ALWAYS an encouragement! She is DEFINITELY a blessing, probably more than I even realize it half the time!

And these are just a FEW of the blessings in my life... There are so many more! God has really been showing me the passions and blessings that He's placed in my life, and it's wonderful to see how God-inspired they are! Seriously, I've learned more and more that without Christ in my life I would be nothing. Abosolutely nothing.

One last little tid-bit of a blessing... Though it's more of a fun/crazy/silly blessing that a few people will get :) I have a feel that this 'letter' will [hopefully] become a huge blessing in many lives. And that is......

 

If you'd like to know about it... feel free to ask. Otherwise, feel free to have numerous thoughts/ponderings/wonderments about why that could possibly be a blessing :) (Because I know ALL of you that are reading this will think about this for hours and days on end..... Not :) There are plenty of reasons for it! Just something fun that I've recently thought of......

So all those to say... God's really given me a lot of blessings, whether they've been in disguise or not, they surely bless my life on a regular basis!

Go listen to this song... It's all about Blessings :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ

"What if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're real? What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?"

Passions

There's been a lot of thinking going on recently...

Ha. That could be bad, is what a majority of what you are saying as you continue reading this blog! But I really think that it's been good. At least... as of this instance, it's been good!

A lot of this has stemmed out of the time off of Facebook. 

Yes, there are days where I miss it and I feel like I am completely out of the loop. 

But overall, it's been really good. I've invested in friendships that have grown out of just virtually being friends on Facebook... And I've also spent a lot of time in the Word of God. Finally. I've found that I can go there and get all the satisfaction and joy that I should want!

One thing that I've really been learning/reading about is "passions."

According to Websters Dictionary the word passion is defined as this:

"A strong, barely controllable emotion," or "an intense desire or enthusiasm for something."

These could not be more true in relation to my own passions! 

If you're reading this, chances are you've had a chance to talk to me in person... And if there's been one thing that has come up in conversation it's been children or Nicaragua. I can almost guarntee it. As I'm seeing, THOSE things are such a passion on my heart! A God-given passion. I think I'm past the stage of life where those things are just something that I desire because I enjoy them... No, I really think God has placed these burdens and passions on my heart because they are in His plan for me as I head down this road in life! Not everyone know what they are going to be doing at the age of 19, and quite honestly, neither do I. Although I have a sense of where I am headed... 

Teaching is part of me. Whether people accept that or not, it is and always will be something that I am passionate about. No, it's not the best paying job in the world in money on America's standards... But just seeing those kids precious faces on a day to day basis... and when they FINALLY understand the concept... Those are the rewards that are well worth it. I can't even describe my joy of being in the classroom these past couple of weeks. My teacher that I'm working with must have all the faith in the world in me, because she has even left me alone with my first graders! But everytime she leaves, it's almost as if the Holy Spirit is there saying, "Alright, Miss Ries, you got this because this is something I've equipped you to do!" :) If only you could be sitting next to me as I'm writing this... My face is probably beaming, as I can't keep the smile off of my face. So it's been so incredibly neat just to see that confirmation from God that what I am majoring in is right where He has me going!

Secondly, Nicaragua... Oh my. If only I could begin to express the desire and love and passion I have for that country. It faded the first time that I went, which could only be expected out of a 13 year old who lost 10lbs and had 27 cankersores in her mouth when she came home... But since I left last March, I literally do not think there has been a day gone by where I haven't thought about those precious children (Sterling and Nicole are two that are on my heart and mind constantly) and the wonderful GHO team, and just the beautiful country of Nicaragua. Now that I see the passion that I have for this country, I'm not sure where this will fit into the plan that God has for my life. Obviously, not everything has to be worked out at the moment... After all, I'm still just a freshman in college, still trying to figure out where everything is in the cafeteria, much less where I'm supposed to be in 3 years down the road. But I definitely see that passion taking me somewhere for missions.... I don't know if that means I'm called to full time missions (although, don't mistake that... Everywhere that I am is a missions field, I completely recognize that! I meant actually going out on the field, rather than staying stateside on this side of missions...) or if that means I'll take once or twice a year trips with my dad to work overseas... I don't know! I suppose so much of that will depend on if I have a husband, and what his job situation is!

That leads to the last thing... And of course, you may wonder how "husband" will fit into the category of passion. Well, there are a couple of ways. To begin, I've really begun to be passionate about becoming the kind of woman that my husband will need me to be. Still, at this point, I don't know who I am going to marry. Honestly, there isn't even a guy in the picture. BUT... I do know that God is shaping me into becoming the person that he will need to continue on this journey that we call life. I also have become passionate about what I am looking for in a husband. I'm not going to "casually date..." That just leads to too much pain and heartbreak. It's so much easier to just simply be friends with guys, which is all that I am hoping to do at this point in time. The next person that I "date" will, Lord-willing, be the man that I will marry. But I will emphasize the word MAN. That's what I'm looking for. We all go through a point in life where we are teetering on the border of becoming men and women, especially men and women of Christ, but even in the real world... and once we reach that line it's a decision to cross it, and it's then that we become in a position where we are so reliant on Christ that the person of the opposite gender will walk into our lives and sweep us off our feet in a way that still keeps Christ at the center of everything. The best thing that a man could ever say to me is the fact that he loves me second. To God. I want a man that will be the spiritual leader, and love God more than anything, and I could just come as an added bonus for waiting for the right woman to come along. And the same thing goes for myself completely... I want to be the kind of woman that is willing to submit to God and then the man will be an added bonus for waiting and keeping myself pure and completely surrendered to Christ for all those years before I finally find "the one." 

All of these things involve surrendering though... The one thing that keeps coming to mind is the lyric from Chris Tomlin's song, "White Flag," that says:

"We surrender all to you. ALL FOR YOU!"

That's what I'm doing in all of these areas. All of them are given over to Christ. They are all in His hands, and I am just clay waiting to be molded and formed into the woman that He desires and has a passion for me to become so that I might further His kingdom in all of these areas!

Look Alike...

When you're walking own the street, who do people say you look like?

For me... I've been told I look like Susan from Narnia.

Or... Katherine McPhee off of the show, Smash.

Or... Anne Hathaway from Princess Diaries.

All of those I definitely take as compliment, because all three of those ladies are absolutely stunning, and I can only hope I take after them in some kind of resemblance...

But is that how I REALLY want to look like?

This past weekend I had the opportunity to be a leader at D-Now at Mt. Pleasant Baptist Church. This was pretty much a weekend-long retreat for middle and high school students, in which we studied the Word of God and had chances to worship Him in big groups, as well as small groups.

One of the lessons that I taught, though, really struck home with me. The analogy started out asking the girls how they would recognize a cowboy walking down the street (And that analogy came from the book, not from my own head!) And they answered with the obvious, the boots, hat, belt, and plaid shirt. Then I moved that into, who do people see when they look at you? Do they see Christ?

As soon as I asked that question, I took a deep breath. I had passed into some dangerous territory, not only for the girls, but for myself as well.

When people see me walking around Asbury's campus to they see Christ?

Whether it be through my words... actions... interactions... friendships...

Who are they seeing?

One of the girls then proceeded to ask me how does it look? How does it look to see Christ in us just walking down the hallways of our schools?

Crud.

Hard question to answer when my own question convicted me. 

Although, it truly was the Holy Spirit, that gave me the ability to answer as I did. 

I answered it simply by saying it was by how we carried ourselves, and how we interacted with everyone else. It doesn't mean that we have to be shoving the Bible down peoples throat on a regular basis, quite the opposite in fact. By simply living it, people should see a difference in us that should cause them to question why we are so different. And by those questions that we should receive, it should be them seeing Christ in us.

Now, it is not always as simple as that... Nor is it as easy as that at a Christian school/university. But that should motivate me to be above reproach even more than the "average Christian" that is walking around campus on a daily basis.

So my question to myself is...

Who do I look like? 

Who do I reflect?

Christ? The world? My Friends? Celebrities?

I hope and pray that those of you that are reading this can say that you see Christ in me.

Beautiful

"You are beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring you down."

"I am beautiful in every single way. Words can't bring me down... So don't you bring me down today."

 [My first day in the classroom: Practicum of freshman year!]

One of the first things that was said to me by a couple of the girls in my new first grade class was, "Wow, Miss Ries, you are beautiful." or "You are so pretty!"

Those words made such a difference in my day. 

Who would have thought that a compliment by three little first grade girls could have changed my day? Normally it means a lot coming from someone of the opposite gender and approximately the same age as yourself... But in all reality, it means just the same thing and it's the same exact truth coming from little girls of the age of 7. 

Insecurities come mostly from lack of encouragement. 

And I think that's the biggest area that I've struggled with since being at Asbury. 

I find myself comparing myself to all of my friends, thinking most of the time that I have crazy beautiful friends, so it's no wonder that I don't have a guy that likes me because all of my friends are just that much more gorgeous.

But I've found that in the classroom I can completely be myself, plain and simple, and beautiful to little first graders. I'm completely content with that!

And I also know that God made me beautiful and good. 

Therefore I don't always need to be told, because it is explicitly said in His Word that I am beautiful in His sight, and through Him, so what more could I want or need?

To continue talking about the first day of class though...

It seriously was one of the most amazing days of the year. I am working with Mrs. Dix at Brookside Elementary School. She is one of the sweetest teachers that I have ever met! I think I will really enjoy working with her... Another neat God story regarding the placement of my practicum: I am the only student in my class that got my ideal class age. How cool is that? And it's just another way I see God working in my life and confirming the fact that I am supposed to be going into Elementary Education! There are also other doors opening for missions work during the summer, which is exactly what I feel like God has placed on my heart. It's so neat following after God's perfect plan for my life!

I digress...

There were so many fun teaching techniques that I observed, just from being in Mrs. Dix's classroom for one day. And I'm really excited to continue learning, observing, and possibly even teaching a little bit in her classroom! The children are precious. As I've already observed, there are going to be a few students that will test my patience  and teach me different ways that I can deal with less-than-perfect students, but that is all part of teaching! 

Let me just say... I cannot wait to have a classroom of my own! I cannot wait to decorate my room... Implement the skills that I will have learned... Change kids lives... Make them into beautiful little children who have such a love to learn, just like Miss Braham did to me.

Never underestimate the impact you can have on kids, as well as kids can have on you.

Three specific little girls completely made my day on Wednesday.

And it just confirmed the truth that God's word tells me...

I am beautiful.

And I'm telling every single one of you that is reading it:

You are beautiful; never forget that!

Facebook-less

Today has been Day 1, and I can honestly say it's been one of the most difficult days... More than likely because Facebook was literally at my fingertips for a good 50% of the day. Yet, I didn't.

And I couldn't be more proud of myself for that.

[Excusing the fact that a friend of mine changed my password, so I couldn't have gotten on it even if I want to!]

Why did I give up Facebook? 

The one thing that I did keep from my life in Indiana.

I needed to.

That's it.

Plain and simple.

Too often I found that it was taking up precious and valuable time that I could have been working on school work, planning lessons for my kids, initiating conversations with people, enhancing relationships with REAL people, not simply virtually.

Instead, my challenge to myself is as follows:

Every time I have that desire to go on Facebook to see what's going on in the world [because obviously I can't find that out any other way...] I am going to go get my Bible and read Psalms. The book of praises. Words inspired by God, written by man so that I can read them. How much better news can I get than that? I'm pretty sure what I can gleam from Psalms is significantly more than anything that I could gleam from Facebook. At this point, I'll be getting through Psalms multiple times before these 40 days are over, but you know what, what better way to spend my time than meditating on God's word. After all, His word is infallible. It cannot be wrong. It can be convicting, but in a good way. It cannot harm. It's perfect.

If you're reading this, I challenge you to do the same thing! Maybe not give up Facebook, but think about something that you spend a lot of time doing... Maybe it's Twitter... Pinterest... Texting... Myspace (is that even still around?)... Gaming systems (PS2 [that probably dates me A LOT!], Wii, Xbox, I don't know what else is out there!]... Fictional books... You name it. Anything that could possibly be taking away from valuable time that you could be spending in the Word of God. After all, if God took the time to inspire all of those words for us, the LEAST we can do is to read them. Then we should take it even a step farther and apply them to our lives, and have it reflect in our day to day actions and words.

That is my challenge to myself as well as you. If you're reading this, I encourage you to keep me accountable! I want to be the kind of person that it is evident that I am following and seeking after Christ, especially now that I have given up Facebook, and hopefully it will continue nurturing as I progress in this wonderful relationship with God!