Truth Hurts... But Heals.

It's been quite a while since I last posted... Lots has happened--emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually.

There's just been battle after battle being fought. I don't know what it is about recently, but I am exhausted, on so many levels. It definitely seems as though Satan is trying to get the best of me, and unfortunately in some aspects he has, and I'm ashamed to admit that. It's hard, and yes I know that is no excuse in the least. Satan definitely just knows the right places to strike, the places that are my weakest. Though now that I recognize them as a weak spot, that means I have lots of work ahead of me.

Today I ran across this verse that spoke VOLUMES of truth to me:

"That's right. Because I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go. I'm telling you, 'Don't panic. I'm right here to help you.'"

[Isaiah 41:13-- The Message]

Now normally I don't read from the Message, but since I am Bible-less currently (me being the blonde that I am left my Bible in the family van and forgot to take it out before leaving back for Asbury) I have been reading various things online in all kinds of translations. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, as long as you are not taking the scripture out of context. To delve deep into the Word of God, I don't think the Message is an accurate translation or study tool, but it is definitely still a tool that speaks the words of God. 

I digress.

I read this verse and literally in my head said, "Wow." There really weren't many other words. The biggest struggles recently have been with friends and with my own self confidence... Maybe I come across as someone who has it all together, and has no need of other people along side of me (something of which I probably need to work on) but that couldn't be further from the truth. Just because I am not struggling with something that everyone else can see, doesn't mean that I'm not struggling. I still need those people to come along side of me and dig deeper, to find out the real things that are bothering me. But then I realized... I have someone who is WILLING and does that on a regular basis.. Christ. The only one who can really give me the peace and comfort that I am looking for. Recently I've taken things back in my own hands, and heaven knows why because it's ended disastrous, as it always does. Seriously though... Why would I do that when I KNOW that God has a "firm grip" on me and that He ISN'T letting me go. Despite everything that I do, He still remains. His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me. Why am I panic-ing over something that I have no control over? If I simply give it over to God then everything would seriously be alright.

That's too cliche sounding though. So what does it actually mean to let go and let God?

As I was scrolling through Facebook today I came across my pastor's blog that he had just recently updated.. Curious, I decided to open it and read it. Little did I know that it would be a big shining light that blinded me with truth. 

[Side note: I've gotten a lot of that recently... Truth, that is. Last weekend at home was not the most pleasant experience of my life. Lots of walking on egg shells with my family, and little did I know that my family was walking on egg shells with me as well. It finally came down to a semi-debating match in which it was me against my parents (note to anyone reading: YOU WILL NEVER WIN.) But my parents did speak a lot of truth... I won't lie- it hurt. REALLY bad. The thing that got me was when my dad said that the perfect guy might be right around the corner but I'll run him away with how I was acting towards and treating my family... Not that marriage is normally a good "deal breaker," but woah my dad knew that that is a thing which Asbury girls think a lot about, and that of course, I think about often... So it hit home. I don't think that means things with my family will be perfect, but I'm going to try harder to enhance those relationships. ANYWAYS... Done with that long *little* side note.]

But what Pastor Randy was talking about was how our actions should hold a magnifying glass over the new life Christ has given up by rising from the dead and the ultimate triumph over death. Then he proceeded to type a list of things that includes... And the few that hit me are:

1. Forgive someone who has offended you

5. Perform an act of kindness to someone in need

12. Change a habit that is enslaving you

I've found myself so concerned with what is going on with ME. It's all about ME. Rather than what is happening with everyone else... My dad challenged me to spend one day being COMPLETELY focused on someone other than myself... That's a lot harder said than done, but little by little, I am going to try to reach out to others, because the heavenly rewards will be so worth it. It might be taxing, hard, or even painful, but it's something that needs to happen. The world doesn't revolve around me. Or anyone besides Christ. And so often that is forgotten in the perfect life of an American... I'm hoping to implement this even more as I go to Nicaragua in May!

There has been an opportunity to go with Ron Brown and a group of about 20 people to Nicaragua in May! I am beyond excited about it! It's going to be an amazing ministry, and also a wonderful time in a country that I absolutely adore! Words cannot even express how excited I am to go!! Please keep the team and myself in your prayers when you think of it. God is going to work in some mighty ways, and I'm looking forward to them!

So today I am remembering that God is greater than anything... Than any struggle... Than any insecurity... Than any problems... Than EVERYTHING. And others come right after God in my life... A little acronym that I learned in Elementary School, though still applicable today is JOY. 

J-esus

O-thers

Y-ou

Something that I still need to follow today... 

As you go through this day, remember all of the promises that God gives us. Open the Bible and read His word.. That's the only way to get to know Him and all of His wonderfulness, and the truth that He wrote to be spoken into our lives.