Recently though, thoughts of the future are invading my life. I wonder why...... ;)
In all seriousness though, it's coming close. And faster than I think that I'd like, yet at the same time, not quite fast enough. I'm still a Daddy's girl, who loves to hang out with my dad every chance that I can get. I love having all of my girlfriends, who we can be SUPER crazy together and not worry about what anyone else is thinking. Yet at the same time... I'm so incredibly independent. Not really needing that constant backing up anymore (even though I still like it!)... I'm ready to teach and travel across the world and get married and become a mommy. How do all of those fit together??
I think that's there the differences in my life fit in... I'm looking for so many different things, and as of right now, they don't exactly fit together. They still continue to be my dreams though.
Notice, I said, "I'm looking..." This phrase has really stuck out to me recently. And most of you are probably saying, "Uhh...... Why?" Well over the past few weeks I've really thought about what the word looking means. According to Webster's Dictionary it means to "direct one's gaze toward someone or something or in a specified direction." Meaning that you are solely focused on one thing. As I've been growing in my walk with Christ, I've realized that I'll always be looking for something, but how I do it is important. Looking implies that we can get swept away with the idea of something; having a blind spot that can create problems because of the tunnel-vision focus. This is where I was convicted... I'm so focused on looking for all of these that I'm not looking at anything else, if that makes sense.
A more specific example that has come to mind is in relation to my future husband. I've been really convicted that I am constantly looking. While all the while God is saying, "Sit back, know that I am God [NOT YOU] and I have a perfect plan for that." At the same time, I shouldn't be idly sitting around waiting for a man to drop on one knee and propose. I have so much that I can do with my life before that guys comes into my life. And much of these realizations have come with the fact that I am really incredibly content being single. It'd have to take one crazy guy to want to be in my life right now. I have so many plans and dreams that I'm looking forward to putting into practice, and right now, a guy doesn't fit into that role. Now... I'm by no means saying that I don't want to get married. Geeze, I want to be a mom probably almost as much as I want to be a teacher! But right now, that's not what God has. Not a relationship, not an engagement, not a wedding. Just a life where God is the man (along with my daddy of course!)
Looking can be a good thing... Obviously. If I wasn't looking into the future, then there would be problems as I try to figure out my education at Asbury University. I just can't let myself get so caught up in the looking, that I am tunnel focused and fail to notice those unplanned things around me.
Right now looking for me means towards my future career... So many doors have been opened and so many new dreams have come to mind! Each passing day, there is a little bit more of a void for Nicaragua. And I am so eagerly anticipating going there in just 6 months!! There also is an opportunity for me to do my student teaching in Africa-- a place where I have always had a desire to go! It's one little thing at a time that keeps popping up in my life, and it's so clearly God. I wouldn't have a heart for missions, or the people of Nicaragua, or the children of Africa if it weren't for the love of God in me.
I'm LOOKING forward to seeing how God shapes all of my dreams and my "looking vision" ahead in the future. They might all be completely different things that add up into some crazy dreams, but sometimes that's when God does the coolest things!
"God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply" — Hudson Taylor
"God isn't looking for people of great faith, but for individuals ready to follow Him" — Hudson Taylor
No comments:
Post a Comment