Go.

Coming to Asbury, I knew God was going to do big things in my life. I just didn't know what. After all, I had my 10-year plan which included graduating college, marriage, children, and teaching at a private Christian school in the United States. And all of this at some point in time sounds positively grand. But more and more I've felt a restlessness. Like all of that isn't enough.

And now... Now I'm starting to see the picture as to why it isn't.

Since 7th grade, I have had a love for the country of Nicaragua. Most people know that. And it's only grown deeper and deeper as time as progressed. I went back again this past March, and oh, how my heart longs to go back already. Those precious children... They just work their way into your heart and there is positively no way you can stop it (nor should you try!) And it's through that trip that I truly, truly realized... I want to teach overseas.

In the past, I've said that I want to go overseas for short periods of time... Ya know, preach the good new of Jesus, etc... But this... This is a passion to go show the love of my Christ to those precious children through education. Door after door has opened in the past year or so to talk with people who have had that experience of teaching or living overseas, and after a while it was like God hit me over the head with a 2 by 4 saying, "DUH. Grace, THIS is what I have for you."

THIS being a love for children who do not take education for granted... THIS being a passion to be a light of Christ in a foreign place... THIS being a desire to see the world God has so graciously placed me in... THIS being a desire to teach.
Not that children in the United States are any less lovable or and less of learners, but there is just something about being given an opportunity to GO. I mean... God calls us to "GO." Not, sit on your butts and be content where you're at. No, it means stretching. Actually doing something. And you know what, not all people are called out of the country. After all, if everyone was called out of the country, what would happen here?!? That could be a problem... But for those, they see "here" as their mission field, their place to make a mark. And eventually, I can also see that being a place where I would love to make an impact. Clearly God has put me in the United States for a reason and I cannot blow that off. But for the time being... His command of, "GO" means somewhere else.

And since realizing this call on my life, there has been an uncanny amount of peace in my heart. I still do not know where God is calling me... It could be from anywhere to right down the road in Mexico to Timbuktu. (Although in more realistic terms, I am applying to teach in Croatia, New Zealand and Nicaragua.) But I am getting more excited to see and experience the joys of another culture. The opportunities to grow and learn are endless and daily more doors open for me to further that.

So welcome... into my journey of discovering where God is having me "GO" and further His kingdom as I rest in the peace that He has given me through giving up my restlessness to Him.

Control Freak: Me?

[Warning: This is going to be very much "me." No buttering it up, just simply my heart after lessons learned in Nicaragua.]

From the get-go, I knew that God was going to teach me a big lesson in Nicaragua, but at the time I had no idea what that lesson could be. Even looking back through journal entires leading up to the trip, I can see that "control" was going to be a theme, but I did not really realize that until I got down to Nicaragua. So much of it was "I did..." or "I accomplished.." or "God help me because I..." and then I made the huge statement in my prayer the night before I left, "Open my heart to what You want to teach me."

 [Note to everyone: if you pray that, you probably should be prepared for what God is going to do.]

So going down there, I had this perfect plan. Literally. Maybe it was the teacher in me, but I couldn't go down there without extra copies of the lessons, that had been gone through--line-by-line-- and organized by day, as well as crafts, coloring books, and other supplies galore! It could not have been more wonderful. Then, even more of a God thing, EVERYONE on the team brought something to contribute to the children ministry, so we were well beyond blessed with supplies! Everything was picturesque. Then we went to the building which we were holding the VBS in, and it was beautiful. Again, picturesque.

The first day could not have gone more wonderfully. But that's when I started realizing how NOT in control I was.

[Now, I'm going to take a minute to divert from Nicaragua for a minute. Most of you that know me, know that I do like to be in control, that really is no secret. Not necessarily in things such as relationships, because you also know that I am the most indecisive person ever. But in other things, such as plans, life, and even sometimes friendships. I can blame it all I want on the teacher in me, but it is still something that God has been working on me with. As much as I would like there not to be, there are going to be things that are out of my control. That I can't help. At all. But sometimes, the stubbornness in me will refuse to acknowledge that. I want to think that I have it all under control, because after all, with how I planned it, it should be PERFECT, right? Well just wait to see how it plays out...]

That night as I journaled I wrote something that I don't even think I realized that I wrote until I got home and was reading through it...

"I so wish I could speak Spanish fluenty. It would make things a lot easier, though I guess that is part of God growing me! I can't control everything nor do I have the answers to everything, which I won't like has been difficult. I'm so used to being in charge, and I know I'm not. At all."

There is no way that was anyone but God working in my heart as I read that. Because little did I know that the next day, I was about to be hit with something so hard that I couldn't function. Literally.

Around lunch time, I began to feel a little dizzy, but didn't think much of it because I was drinking (4 liters of water that day, as a matter of fact!) a lot. But by the end of VBS that afternoon, I knew something was wrong. I started getting dizzy and seeing spots. [and most normal, not control freaks would have sat down and realized that they needed to talk to a doctor] but not me... I continued on until I almost passed out. I got some NASTY electrolyte stuff, as well as a not-quite-tasty granola bar to hopefully get my blood sugars back up, but to no avail. I was hit with THE worst migraine of my life. I couldn't walk, talk, or function without wanting to die. I even prayed, "God, I think I'm ready. If you take me, at least it would be in a place that I consider home." 

Thankfully, God knew it wasn't my time, and I eventually realized that too, even though at some points I really was questioning God's timing! 

The next day I was completely disengaged from doing anything. I could still barely standing up without wanting to throw up and/or wanting to just go meet Jesus. But of course, being stubborn, I didn't want to stay at the hotel by myself all day, so I decided to go to the clinic. Of course to do nothing all day... Well at least that's what I told myself. FINALLY, I had some people speak to me in a frank, but loving way, saying that I legitimately needed to do nothing so that I could participate in the rest of the week. At first, I wasn't happy, I won't lie. I hate sitting around doing nothing all day, but my head (and my life) very much thanked them for that. But that day was one of the days I was blessed most. Since I was sick, they made me drink TWICE as much water as I had been, so like 6 liters later, my bladder was about to explode. Thankfully as this point I had gotten to the point where I could stand up and not want to die. So I was headed to the squatties [which were a beautiful experience, in and of themselves...] and two of my little kids spotted me. At first, I was super hesitant because I still didn't know how I would make it to the bathroom without passing out. But they grabbed my hands, and it was like through their touch, God gave me strength. They both were like, "Hola! Hola! Como estas?" and then I still don't know how I understood this, and I can't even say it in Spanish, but they were like, "We missed you and were praying for you. Please come back." 

Oh how my heart broke. When I'm not in control, God moved my heart. 

I realized those little kids know the definition of love and show it unconditionally when I was not in control. They realized that, and it was through their precious, innocent words that I realized how good of a thing it was that God was and is in control. 

So am I a control freak? Probably. That's still something that God is working on me. But I realize, it's ok not to have a plan that goes perfectly. God can use you no matter what. And if you get too much in the way, He does make it clear that He is the one who is supposed to be in charge. It was all so worth it, as 50 more little Nicaraguan children will be in Heaven, worshipping the One in control over our lives, with me.

Grief through Praise

There is always that one thing that we know of, but words fail to give it justice. Constantly we find ourselves in moments where there is a loss for words. It's those moments though, that give us a chance to take a second glance at that thought.
And through those eyes, I see grief.
No one can explain death, other than it is an inevitable phenomena. How, when, why are all questions that are left unanswered, both by us and by God. But the thing is, God doesn't leave those unanswered to torture us. Quite the opposite. Those questions lead us to Him. We come seeking, begging, crying out on our knees for Him because He truly is the only one with answers. Sure, doctors can tell us the cause of the death and when exactly it occurred, but other than that, we have no answers. We will never know the reason a dear friend committed suicide, or why a mother of three beautiful children passed away from incurable cancer, or why a classmate couldn't be saved in surgery, or why a grandparent is suddenly taken away.

What we can ask though is: what are WE doing in the moment that will matter in 1000 years? 100 years? 1 year? 1 week?
Ultimately God is in control of our life, whether we like it or not. We can no more control our life, than the weatherman can control the weather outside. And it's through that realization that we can praise Him through grief.
I truly don't believe that God takes away those who are precious in our life to harm us. Rather, He has deemed those people with a time frame shorter or longer than whatever ours may be. He is jealous for us, so He wants us in His presence. That much is clear. So why should we want to stay away from that longer than we have to? All those that have gone before us, have the incredible pleasure of being with our Savior for THAT much longer. What a neat thing for them!
But just because they have moved into His presence, doesn't mean we should move further away from it. Instead, we should revel in His open arms and the peace He offers us now. God promises never to give us more than we can handle, and that He is ALWAYS at our side. So every day that passes, we should embrace that, after all, we are one step closer to spending that incredible time of worshipping God at His feet.

"He WILL wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." [Revelation 21:4]

Sometimes it isn't easy. Trust me, I've spent more time crying in the past week than in a long while. But, if anything, it should spur me on to live EACH and EVERY day to it's potential. None of us are promised tomorrow, it's a gift. So if we were to go see God in His glory, what of us would be left behind to be remembered? Would it be a life that was lived completely for God? Will it be a testimony pointing to Christ, so that He might be praised through it all?

Live for today. Love for the moment. Praise for a lifetime.

An Act of Submission: Prayer

Pray [verb]: (1) to make a request in a humble manner; (2) to address God or a god with adoration, confession, supplication, or thanksgiving

Often I wonder how often we take heed of the definition of pray. Sometimes I think we, as Christians, think it's our RIGHT to "pray" and ask God for everything we want/need/etc... 

[Let me preface with, I don't think it's wrong AT ALL to ask God for the desires of our heart... In fact, he asks that we do (Psalm 37:4;  Mark 11:24)]

But when was the last time we (and I'm preaching to myself here...) came to God in a purely humble manner. 

Humble [adjective]: (1) having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience; (2) courteously respectful

In response to God, we should be nothing BUT humble. If we look at ourselves... We are in a fallen world, living a broken life, that is make good only by His perfect life. How or why should we go before Him with an attitude of expectation? Expectation that He will do EXACTLY what WE want, when WE want it, and how WE want it. Where is the humbleness in that? 

And when we pray... Are we as respectful as we should be considering it is the Most High God we are talking to? Or are we coming at it as if he is our friend, across the street, whom we only talk to once in a blue moon?

God didn't HAVE to die for us. He doesn't HAVE to listen to our whiny, selfish prayers.

BUT HE DOES.

And how amazing I've found it.

Despite the fact that I find myself praying for the smallest, silliest, most selfish things, I KNOW He listens. But how often do I really do it, considering what I know?

Muslims pray 5 times a day facing Mecca.

Judiasm requires their followers to pray 3 times a day.

Hindus pray 3 times a day.

HOW OFTEN DO WE PRAY?

God doesn't require a certain amount. It doesn't matter when we pray, or how we pray... But God WANTS us to pray. 

Prayer is our way of recognizing God as our friend, our father, and our God.

It requires a certain amount of humbleness to pour out our heart to someone... and this is what God is asking us to do. Not in a vain attitude, where we can boast to people about "how we prayed..." It's not even so we can tell people "Well this happened because I prayed..." It's simply to be in tune with God. To humble ourselves, to be real, and to become intimate with the one Man who can understand our aches, pains, joys, and laughter more than we can ourself.

So pray. 

Pray with an attitude of humbleness. God doesn't HAVE to listen to us, but He WANTS to and He DOES. 

Pray with respectfulness because it's the God of the universe we are talking with.

Pray with fervor because it's our real heart God wants to hear.

Pray real because God knows it even when we're faking.

Pray.

Hall of Faith

Does MY personal faith have what it takes to make it into the "Hall of Faith?"

This has been the resounding question in my head since I read Hebrews 11 last night.

"Now faith is being SURE of what we hope for and CERTAIN of what we do not see."
How many times have we heard this verse? There is at least one sermon a year about this chapter. Don't get me wrong, the sermons are always fantastic, but this chapter hit me in a way that it had never hit me before.

Being sure of what we hope for... What better could this be talking about than the hope of living in Heaven with Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior for eternity! BUT... so much more can be taken from that little phrase. Yes, we are SURE of our hope of living with Christ, but what else do we hope for that requires the faith this verse talks about? In retrospect, nothing else compares. We hope for things such as a job, spouse, family, health, etc... But those sure aren't things I want to put my faith in, yet on a regular basis I find myself thinking and being sure of those things rather than lasting things.

Why is that?

Certain of what we do not see... Certainty of Christ in our lives is about as certain as we can get. We can't be certain we got the job that we wanted... We can be certain of what is going to happen in the future. All of those we cannot see, but what we MUST be certain of is Christ. Even though we can't see Him, He CAN see us, and is certainly leading us on His path for our life.

"By faith Abel..."

"By faith Enoch..."

"By faith Noah..."

"By faith Abraham..."

"By faith Isaac..."

"By faith Jacob..."

"By faith Joseph..."

"By faith Moses..."

"By faith the people..."

"By faith the prostitute Rahab..."

By faith Grace...

Can I honestly be described using those three simple words, "By faith Grace..." What would come after that? Has my life been whereas God can say that "By faith, when Grace was called to Bristol, TN she went and obeyed even though it wasn't her plan." or.. "By faith Grace, even though she is single at a Christian college, lived her life for Me because I have the best plan for her."

All things to dwell on, as I look on the lives of so many monumental people in the Christian faith.

Abel... was killed, yet was known as a righteous man.

Enoch... was spared death and was commended as one who pleased God.

Noah... had faith for something he had never witnessed.

Abraham... had an attitude of expectancy.

Isaac... blessed.

Jacob... worshiped.

Joseph... saved the people of Isral.

Moses... regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as GREATER VALUE.

The people... wandered and struggled, yet still followed Christ.

Rahab... was obedient.

Grace.....

"God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." [vs. 40]

I look forward to seeing the big picture of God's plan... But I am SURE of my hope that He will use me, and CERTAIN His plan is much better than mine ever could be.

Resolutions, Family, and Joy

I know I'm a little late... But late is better than never, right?

It's now halfway through January. I'm 20 and a junior at Asbury. Where has time gone?

The year of 2013 is bound to bring a lot of changes, especially in myself.
My resolutions this year weren't the typical, "Run a mile by the end of the year," or "Have a significant other by New Years of 2014..."
Instead, most, if not all of them, were things that I am going to work on changing, rather than achieving. Now, if you know me well, all of the ways I need to change are probably coming to mind. I completely understand. I'm about as human as you can get. Recently though, God's really been showing me how I need to do this thing called "change."
Instead of figuring out how I can change everyone else around me to fit into my mold, I need to be the one who is changing to be more of Christ to everyone around me.
It hasn't, and probably will continue to, been easy to evaluate all the ways that I "fail."
[Now, I'm not saying that in a negative, I hate everything about my life way... Instead it's way that I need to change in order to become more of a woman after God's own heart."
And I know there are LOTS of areas.
So if you would, please be in prayer. I want it to be an evident change in my life.

But going along those lines, family also tied into my resolutions.
Now let me just paint a picture real quick:
The Perfect Family
This woman and man met at the young age of 10, and knew they were right for each other. They dated all through high school, and got married at the age of 18. By 21, they were parents and entering in this new journey. By the time they were 30, they have 4 children, and a picture perfect family. Their children all got along perfectly, hardly any fighting. As they continue to grow up, they were all best friends and the family was the "ideal family" in the school and church they went to. Their kids would come home from college and it'd be a great family reunion. By the time the parents are 80, the children are all willing to move back "home" to take care of them. It was a perfect life.

I'm not mocking families that have that. I think it's perfectly wonderful.
But THAT isn't the family God has blessed me with.
Just because my family isn't that "picture perfect" doesn't mean that it wasn't perfect for everyone in my family.
Guess what? WE ARE HUMAN. Every single person in my family messes up, and I'll be the first to admit that I've messed up a significant amount of times.
And because of that, no, we aren't all BFF's who want to spend every waking minute together. Believe it or not, we want time apart. We want to be away, so that when we come back together our time is even sweeter because we have realized how important and special family really is.
Plus, if you know my family deeply, you know the struggles we've been through. Trust has been broken, hearts have been broken, and tension has been created. But it's ok. You know what God says about broken families?
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." [Psalm 147:3]
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, or crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." [Revelation 21:4]
"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." [Matthew 18:20]
"But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned-every one- to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all." [Isaiah 53:5]

ALL of these are promises that my family clings to.
We aren't perfect.
We are going to disagree.
We are going to need to "get away" to think.
But we love each other unconditionally.
Those that think otherwise of my family, needs to get to know us more. Till the day I die, I will stand up for my family and show them how much I love them.
As I like to say, I may not always like them, but I sure as gravy will ALWAYS love them.
Now all that to say, many of my resolutions have connections to growing my relationships with family. I have realized how special those friendships really are. Being in this new age of life, it's neat to have that friendship relationship with my mom, who I know will be with me and support me no matter what. My sister and I are slowly building up the trust that was lost. It's a process. Nothing is going to happen overnight, but rather, it will take work. Lots on my part. But I'm willing and ready to put the effort in it, as I know it will be worth it.

Through all of that, my goal is to see joy.
Now, I know my mom will be reading this, and probably will jump up and down and say, "FINALLY!" [Yes Mom, I really have been listening all of those times you've talked about joy... :)]

After talking with one of my best friends last night, I really solidified my efforts in trying to be more joyful about all of my circumstances, whether they are who I'm living with, who I'm interacting with, or who I've yet to meet. But God blesses our lives so much more when we see life through His eyes. Ones of forgiveness, openness, gentleness, and kindness. After all Hebrews 3:14 tells us, "We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first." We tend to become complacent and comfortable in our situations, which I have found, leads to apathy, unthankfulness and a lack of joy. Instead of viewing each day as the "same ol', same ol'," my challenge is to view each day as a wonderful gift from God. Full of new choices, interactions, and blessing from God! With this viewpoint, I believe the joy that we will find will come STRAIGHT from God and His blessings that he will choose to bestow on us.

"In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry. You hurled me into the deep, into the very heart of the seas... But you brought my life up from the pit, O Lord my God."
[Jonah 2:2,3,6b]

The Impossible

Christmas time is here... Just as it occurs every 365 days.
Funny how that works, being so predictable.

It's when we let the unpredictable take over though, that I have found God moves.

As I was journaling tonight, I found myself wallowing in self-pity. More friends of mine have gotten engaged and married over this Christmas break than I know how to deal with. So, putting on the happy face, I wish the obligatory "Congratulations..." and get it over with, while deep down a little more weight is put on my heart because there is no one for me to say "Yes!" to.

While moping around, I decided to open my Bible. It fell open to Proverbs 16.

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." vs. 3
"When a man's ways are pleasing to the Lord, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him." vs. 7
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." vs. 9
"Better a patient man than a warrior..." vs 31

So as these verses stuck out to me, I realized that I was taking everything into my own hands. I was relying and hoping on myself,  rather than on God, who ultimately is planning my steps. More and more I come to the realization that my own plans are far inferior to what God has for me, but the more I push mine, the less evident God's become in my life. And the more I want to hurry it along, the less it becomes God's perfect plan for my life.

Next I opened my Bible to Matthew 14. Right in the middle of the numerous miracles Jesus performed. The specific miracles in this passage are Jesus feeing the 5000 and Jesus walking on water.

As I read through them, the word "impossible" kept coming to mind. Because if you think about it, both of these things are quite impossible. Today, I don't think we would be able to break apart 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish to feed 5000 people. Hardly. And as many people have tried to walk on water, not one has succeeded- at least, with their own two feet.
So why would they be highlighted in Scripture?
I realized... It's because God CAN DO the impossible.
Then I realized... (in light of the fact that tomorrow is Christmas) it was impossible for a virgin girl to become pregnant. Yet, THAT is how our Savior came to earth.

So I get caught up in the fact that I am single over this Christmas break, thinking that it's impossible I will ever find "the one," when things like a virgin bearing a child occurred, and a man walked on water, and 5000 men were fed from 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, and water was turned to wine, and a blind man was healed?!?

What am I thinking?


As this Christmas comes, I'm challenging myself to feast on the impossible that is made possible with Christ. Instead of focusing on the impossible that I can't make possible on my own. Focusing more on all that Christ HAS done, rather than what he hasn't, or what I think He should do. Examples in my life of the impossible made possible through Jesus are the healing of my sister... the friends I made in TN, even though I moved here senior year... comfort and peace to my family after my grandpa passed away... None of these happened because of anything that I would have or did do. Instead, it was through the power of Jesus Christ.
I challenge you who are reading this to do the same.
After all, without Christ doing the impossible, there would be no reason to celebrate this Christmas.



"In a land far away, time stood still long ago... Woman with child and an inn with no room, born in a manger, for telling a tomb- this is how the story goes. But it's more than a fable, and it's more than a fairytale, and it's more than my mind can conceive... I BELIEVE."