God is in Control

Life has it's ups and downs.

Normally when we think of them, they're mostly trivial, right?

And most everything that I'm experiencing right now I will look back and see how trivial they are.

But for now, they're life changing.

They're shaping me.

They're molding me.

They're changing me.

And it can't be more true... Never would I have imagined that I would be where I am today, last year. This is in a good and bad way. I have grown more in my relationship with Christ than I ever thought was possible, and that's incredibly encouraging. My relationship with Jesus means so much to me. Seriously, without Him I do not think I would have gotten through everything that has transpired. As I have struggled and wrestled with different things, I have realized that God is the one constant in my life; nothing that I do can waver anything that He feels or says or does or loves to/about me. 

There's been a lot of difficulties recently. Some of which most people do not even know are transpiring. [Problem #1, as I've held stuff in, but sometimes I just can't help it!] But it just seemed like every little thing kept adding up, to the point where I was sure I was going to blow. 

What did I do? 

I went home.

I needed to get away. I needed to remove myself from any and all situations. I needed to take a step back. I needed to leave.

I needed to go to that little city that has become such a part of my family called Bristol, because whether I really like it or not [which I have grown to like it because of the people!], it's home. I'll be content wherever God has my family.

 

And I honestly think that was the best thing that I could have done. I've been able to think about it without talking to anyone else, or having anyone elses thoughts/opinions effect my own. I've been able to pray about it and give it over to God. I've been able to move on.

Everything seemed to be falling apart. Literally.

Friendships.

Relationships.

Emotionally.

Physically.

Spiritually.

I couldn't have felt more dead and drained.

So much of that changed by a single facebook message.

Never under estimate the power of a message letting a person know that you REALLY, genuinely, truly care about them. It seriously has made all the difference in the world to me.

My track record with guys have not been the greatest. Yes, in those current times, I thought I had good judgment, and I'm not saying that I did anything wrong in getting to know these guys, but it's how I've went about it that was difficult. In the past if I was friends with a guy, I normally wanted to know if they "like me," in the way that all the middle school girls annoyingly ask and whine about. Pathetic, I know. But that all change…

Through a facebook message that I received because I SAW] for the very first time a guy who is genuinely interested in my life for ME.  [Such a big part in maturing in the aspect of relationships, I feel like… because it wasn’t necessarily the first time some guy has cared for me in this way, but it’s the first time I REALIZED it] Not for anything else. But because he cares about me; not in a romantic way, but in a friendship-brotherly way. There was nothing he asked that didn't show that he really wanted to know how I was. Every little thing that he said was completely genuine.

For probably the first time ever, I felt genuinely special because of something that a guy has said to me. [Not to discount sweet things that I have heard at all, but this just... struck a completely different chord than anything else I’ve ever heard, if that makes sense... If you’re a guy and you’re reading this, it probably doesn’t, so I’d suggest moving on pretty quickly and not over analyzing it!]

This simple message changed everything. Changed how I am viewing a specific relationship right now. Changed how I approach friendships. Changed my response to different things that have gone on around me.

Not to say that I won't have difficult times after this, because I am almost positive I will, but I think my attitude will be a little bit different from here on out.

I don't really even know if any of this makes sense, or if it simply just me rambling on and on. 

I'm really thankful for all of these hardships I've experience this semester alone... If anything, they have strengthened my relationship with Christ more than the "offending person" could even know. I have relied on Christ more than anything because I know He is my perfect love. 

I'm working through my personal doubts and fears that have appeared because of certain situations...

I'm working on becoming less dependent on what other people thing.

I'm working on my insecurities.

I'm working on realizing that I don't have to be perfect. It's alright to make mistakes.

But through it all I know there are people who are coaching me, encouraging me, and walking along side of me through the whole way because they GENUINELY care about me.

There are always lessons to be learned, and prices to be paid, but ultimately I had a God who died for me and paid the ultimate price out of love. No greater act of love could ever be shown.

 Because after all... These troubles and hardships... Well, they're just temporary and...

God is in control.