More

It's funny the things that books can make you ponder...

1. I saw this picture on Pintrest the other day and that's what got me thinking about this blog. Recently I've had a lot of issues with insecurity, just like every girl experience sometime in life, I'm sure. It doesn't make it any easier though. This picture encouraged me A LOT though. "You are MORE than the choices that you make." Wow. We all mess up at some time or other because we are human. Therefore not perfect, but that doesn't mean that our choices define us. Yes, much of the time they can make up the person that we become but those bad decisions that we make can become learning lessons as we accept the fact that we are more than those choices. "You are MORE than the sum of your past mistakes." Thank the Lord. If I wasn't... Well let's just say I'd have a way bigger issue on my hand. Forgiveness is such an incredible thing! God offers it on a very regular basis for all of those times we do mess up... "You are MORE than the problems that you create." I'm sure I do this a lot... Blow things out of proportion... Get in fights... Etc... But I am more than that. Those don't have to define me. God has given me a second chance [multiple times] to be more than the sinful person that I am. All of those times where I pick little fights or read into things wrong or talk back or get angry... I can rise above that with the power and grace of God coming along side of me and giving me the strength I need to become the woman that I am meant to be.


2. More: "A greater or additional amount."
Ant- Less: "A smaller amount of; not as much."
There's a lot of things this could apply to... 
The amount of food eaten.
The number of hours practiced on the piano.
The number of children in my daycare.
The quantity of friends at Asbury.
The quality of friends everywhere.
The number of boyfriends


The longing in me to find that perfect guy.


I've noticed a trend of mine to talk about guys in blogs... I promise, it's not always part of my thought process! Part of it is a girl thing... Other parts... Well there may not be excuses for everything!


But this is a little bit different. For 3 days this Christmas break my family had the opportunity to go up to Indianapolis, and I got to see my best  friend. It was so awesome! The Colt's won... We stayed up until 4am [well... She did, I kinda fell asleep halfway through the movie!] We took PhotoBooth pictures... Picture perfect. At least outwardly. During an excursion around downtown Indy at 12:30 at night we had a pretty deep discussion regarding guys. Both of us have experience pain of some extent with boys... [those silly boys!] But the mutual conclusion was this: We wish we could just find the ONE. I don't particularly want a boyfriend right now...because more than likely that'd end up in pain and a break up. I'd love to find the one who is going to cherish me and love me for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm not meant to find that person... I don't know! But it's so difficult having feelings for a person and not really knowing what to do with them because they still linger or increase despite my want for them to go away. I want my contentedness to be in Christ, which I do believe it is! Then why does this intense longing not go away?? It's as if my heart is wanting it more and more and my actual life is giving me less and less. 

One day I do hope that I will find the perfect guy. Maybe the story won't be perfect... But it'll be MY perfect love story. As I referenced at the beginning of the blog, a series of books have provoked a lot of thoughts on this topic... For Christmas I received the Bailey Flanigan series by Karen Kingsbury. [which I HIGHLY recommend!] Since the Baxter books, there has been this little fling between Cody and Bailey. It was practically perfect; fully evident that they were made for each other. Through a series of events though, that has changed... Now I won't give away any more than that but reading through Bailey's story hits a little close to home. It's given me reason to think and evaluate everything about relationships that I've had/are possible to happen. 
I still am looking... praying... hoping... wishing... But I was talking to a friend last night and realized, as I was saying something to her, how TRUE it was in my life: God brought me through this latest trial with a guy because He wanted to see just how much HE [God] was the center of my life. I had gotten so caught up in the fun of a romance that I brushed aside keeping Christ as my everything. Don't misunderstand, I was reading my Bible on a daily basis; I was growing bunches spiritually... But I wasn't  making it my all. Now I can look back and see how extending God's grace is for not letting it get any deeper for the time being and letting me back track even more. This break has been a lot of looking and re-evaluating... Feelings are still there, fortunately or unfortunately [haven't quite figured out which one...] but as a friend said last night, "It needs to happen of GOD'S time." That's when I'll really be ready.

3. Being found... More and more, I've found myself pulling away. Whether that is to avoid hurt or for anything other reason, I'm not 100% sure. But as I do that, I realize all I really want is to be pursued by people that care. Recently I've realized more and more how much God is pursuing me though, with an EVERLASTING love and promise that will never be broken! A lot of the struggles come with insecurities that I haven't been willing to give up to God... Yes, I say that I've prayed about it, and I have... but fully surrendering it would give me MORE freedom than I could ever even imagine. 


Have you caught a theme?


MORE.
[More than the crudy things of this life...]
[More than the mistakes that I make...]
[More than the insecurities about the fact I haven't found "the one..."]
[More than the hurt I anticipate...]


Some thing that surpasses these MORE than I could imagine is God's love and grace.
I must learn to be content with something so much greater than earthly "goods." It will fulfill me and give so much more meaning to life itself if I surrender MORE on a daily basis! Afterall...
"God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." 
[Hebrews 11:40]