Bombarded

[Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again?]

Since yesterday, I have been bombarded with feelings and thoughts of inadequacy and worthlessness and insecurity like none other. Where it is all coming from? I really don't know besides the fact that the Devil is really getting to me. Hardcore.

Feelings of worthlessness... I'm not good enough. I'm not smart. I'm not pretty. I don't have anyone that loves me. I don't have people who understand me. I want to just go home. I can't be a teacher because I don't have the skills to be one. I... I... I...

Even as I write this I see the self-focused nature that Satan inflicts on us in a state of pity and down-troddeness... 

It kills me.

Literally.

What I've been doing is going to be the death of me. Because every single time it comes back to a breaking point... Like I've had tonight. Never have I broken down so quickly. [Guess that's what happens when I hold it in for too long...] Definitely thankful for the friend that walked me back and just gave me her listening ear and a hug. It was such an encouragement. But it still leaves me in the dark and bombarded with thoughts regarding certain situations.

I know the promise that God is always there.

I know God has a wonderful plan for me.

I know that God is waiting with open arms to embrace me as I run to Him in my anguish.

I know that God is BIGGER than the Devil and can override any and all of these feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.

I know... I know... I know... 

But do I KNOW?

Sometimes I wonder why there must be so much confusion in order to really run to God? You'd think after a while I'd learn the easy way. But alas.... 

That doesn't mean I haven't been running to Him, but it hasn't been with everything. I'm still in a growing process and relationship with Christ. Daily, He reveals things to me that still need to be surrendered and given up to Him. 

Guess He just felt I needed to be bombarded to really have that happen.

I know things will work out for the better for myself and anyone else involved.

I know that letting God have complete control will heal my wound with love so great that there will be hardly a scar left. Because that love is going to be perfect love, unlike anything that I experience here on earth.

My goal: To combat Satan with the things that I know are truth. Sometimes that might take reassurance from people... But I can't base my worth on that. I need to KNOW for myself that I am God's treasure, whom He loves, whom He died for, whom He listens to, and whom He promises to come back from someday in a way that is more amazing than I can imagine.

I need to be bombarded with TRUTH.

The TRUTH of God.

The one thing that can never ever fail me.

[Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me.]

[Your love is extravagant.]

[You love me anyways. It's like nothing in life that I've ever known.] 

[And just a side note for those of you that have finished this... In the course of tonight I have received so many encouraging texts/messages and just plain face-to-face talks. I know for a fact God has placed people in my life for such a time as this. Thank you Lord for knowing what I needed tonight!]