Such is life...

There are too many quotes out there that strike an irreversible chord in my heart and mind. To hopefully bless someone out there I have decided to share some of them, as well as the story behind them in my own life. So here goes...

Like I've talked about in previous blogs, I tended to live a lot in the past... But this little quote completely blew my mind. The things that happen affect only as much as I let it, and it can also effect me in a positive OR negative way, it depends on ME. Thankfully I have found friends who encourage me to let go of the things that I need to leave behind me and at the same time those things help define the woman of God I am hoping to become. From this point on, I hope and pray to let everything that happens to me refine me. My mom always said that God puts people through the refiners fire because the end result is so much greater than the original piece put into the flames. It's so true. If it won't make me better, then I will choose to move on and leave it behind me. This includes things such as friendships, boys, books, and anything else that could negatively affect me and the person that I am striving to become!

This REALLY rang true the other day. Satan has been attacking at every single angle; to be honest it's absolutely ridiculous. It's days like these where I am beyond grateful for my God because I wouldn't even want to imagine these times without Him. I know that God's promises are always true and His love never fails. This gives me reason to smile through the pain... Pain from words, actions, or lack-there-of... Understanding comes from knowing that God has a plan through it all... Yes, I may be single at the moment but I understand that's in God's will. Trust doesn't come easily, especially when I have been failed by more than one person, but I do know that God has never left me. Competitiveness is in my blood, therefore I cannot allow Satan the knock me down. I know God has given me the strength to combat him, therefore I WILL.

Whoops... Unfortunately I allow myself to do this on a regular basis. I'm really trying to get better because I know comparing will not do me any good whatsoever! God has made me uniquely the woman that I am supposed to be. He didn't make me to be like Hunter, or Lynnette, or Ellen, or Shelby, or Sarah... He made me to be ME. I should take pride in that. God made man and said that it was VERY good. He still says that because after all how can anything in Him image be less than that? Every time I doubt myself, or compare myself to others, that is comparing God to something way less than perfect. That shouldn't even be acceptable, yet I do it? How does that work?

Something to definitely keep working on...

I hate crying. So incredibly much. I was actually told this week that they wonder if I ever cry, and that they might just slap me if I keep trying to hold back tears while I am around them... As I am slowly learning though, it's better to cry than to hold it all in. Surprisingly I've found that I've "healed" over specific situations quicker than I had ever anticipated because I let it out. Yes, there were times where I was beyond angry but I just cried out to God in my anguish and He took all of those tears, bottled them up, and wrapped me in His arms telling me that He was there. I am human; I have feelings; I will cry; It doesn't make me any weaker of a person. It's a good sign when a baby cries right after it is born because that gives the mother, especially, reassurance that her baby is alright. Crying let's people know that you are going to be alright.

This is kind of how I am looking at my current relationship status... Oh I desire it, with my whole heart, but I know that God has something way better planned and it will make my desires and struggles all the worth while, even if I never do get married. God knows that He is my everything, so really we can't get much better than that, yet we desire it. Isn't that ironic? I think I want a relationship, but am I ready to risk the pain and work to keep it alive and something that will last the rest of my life? It's a bigger commitment than I even realize. God knows that I, emotionally, couldn't handle getting too attached because He knows that there is something even better that is worth all of those emotions and more. 

More than I can even accurately express, I have learned the importance and amazing-ness [yes, I just made up that word] of prayer. It does powerful things, from taking away the hurt and pain to giving me a peace of mind regarding any and every situation... With Satan attacking at every corner, the only thing left for me to do is get on my face before God and beg for His wisdom and strength to get me through because I know without Him I am LITERALLY nothing. Satan is doing everything he can to get me down... and it some aspects it is working... But with the encouraging friends that I have, I've more easily been able to combat him with the promises that I know God has given me. More than once this semester [keep in mind, I've been here for just over a week] I've found myself broken down with tears streaming down my face just crying out to God. I'm thankful for a God who hears and listens. Yes there are times I wish I could get a direct answer... But even if I don't, there's this unearthly peace that surrounds me that lets me know God has it all under His control.

Oh it definitely feels like everything is falling apart... I feel like a broken record, saying the same things over and over again, but I DO know that God has a plan better than what I can say now. I need to get through the trials and the storms and at the end of it will be a beautiful rainbow with more potential and promises that I can even fathom at this point in times. From my point of view it does look like nothing is going from... From friends.... to boys... to academics... to work... But God is up in heaven looking and saying, "My child, I have everything planned. I have since you were born. Why are YOU worrying about something that is completely out of your control?" SO SO SO many times I have heard God saying that to me... Time to listen.

Hopefully some of these are of some encouragement as they have been to me. 
Proverbs 3:5-6 has not left my mind through this whole time of trials...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

Clinging onto that promise... TODAY!