More

It's funny the things that books can make you ponder...

1. I saw this picture on Pintrest the other day and that's what got me thinking about this blog. Recently I've had a lot of issues with insecurity, just like every girl experience sometime in life, I'm sure. It doesn't make it any easier though. This picture encouraged me A LOT though. "You are MORE than the choices that you make." Wow. We all mess up at some time or other because we are human. Therefore not perfect, but that doesn't mean that our choices define us. Yes, much of the time they can make up the person that we become but those bad decisions that we make can become learning lessons as we accept the fact that we are more than those choices. "You are MORE than the sum of your past mistakes." Thank the Lord. If I wasn't... Well let's just say I'd have a way bigger issue on my hand. Forgiveness is such an incredible thing! God offers it on a very regular basis for all of those times we do mess up... "You are MORE than the problems that you create." I'm sure I do this a lot... Blow things out of proportion... Get in fights... Etc... But I am more than that. Those don't have to define me. God has given me a second chance [multiple times] to be more than the sinful person that I am. All of those times where I pick little fights or read into things wrong or talk back or get angry... I can rise above that with the power and grace of God coming along side of me and giving me the strength I need to become the woman that I am meant to be.


2. More: "A greater or additional amount."
Ant- Less: "A smaller amount of; not as much."
There's a lot of things this could apply to... 
The amount of food eaten.
The number of hours practiced on the piano.
The number of children in my daycare.
The quantity of friends at Asbury.
The quality of friends everywhere.
The number of boyfriends


The longing in me to find that perfect guy.


I've noticed a trend of mine to talk about guys in blogs... I promise, it's not always part of my thought process! Part of it is a girl thing... Other parts... Well there may not be excuses for everything!


But this is a little bit different. For 3 days this Christmas break my family had the opportunity to go up to Indianapolis, and I got to see my best  friend. It was so awesome! The Colt's won... We stayed up until 4am [well... She did, I kinda fell asleep halfway through the movie!] We took PhotoBooth pictures... Picture perfect. At least outwardly. During an excursion around downtown Indy at 12:30 at night we had a pretty deep discussion regarding guys. Both of us have experience pain of some extent with boys... [those silly boys!] But the mutual conclusion was this: We wish we could just find the ONE. I don't particularly want a boyfriend right now...because more than likely that'd end up in pain and a break up. I'd love to find the one who is going to cherish me and love me for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm not meant to find that person... I don't know! But it's so difficult having feelings for a person and not really knowing what to do with them because they still linger or increase despite my want for them to go away. I want my contentedness to be in Christ, which I do believe it is! Then why does this intense longing not go away?? It's as if my heart is wanting it more and more and my actual life is giving me less and less. 

One day I do hope that I will find the perfect guy. Maybe the story won't be perfect... But it'll be MY perfect love story. As I referenced at the beginning of the blog, a series of books have provoked a lot of thoughts on this topic... For Christmas I received the Bailey Flanigan series by Karen Kingsbury. [which I HIGHLY recommend!] Since the Baxter books, there has been this little fling between Cody and Bailey. It was practically perfect; fully evident that they were made for each other. Through a series of events though, that has changed... Now I won't give away any more than that but reading through Bailey's story hits a little close to home. It's given me reason to think and evaluate everything about relationships that I've had/are possible to happen. 
I still am looking... praying... hoping... wishing... But I was talking to a friend last night and realized, as I was saying something to her, how TRUE it was in my life: God brought me through this latest trial with a guy because He wanted to see just how much HE [God] was the center of my life. I had gotten so caught up in the fun of a romance that I brushed aside keeping Christ as my everything. Don't misunderstand, I was reading my Bible on a daily basis; I was growing bunches spiritually... But I wasn't  making it my all. Now I can look back and see how extending God's grace is for not letting it get any deeper for the time being and letting me back track even more. This break has been a lot of looking and re-evaluating... Feelings are still there, fortunately or unfortunately [haven't quite figured out which one...] but as a friend said last night, "It needs to happen of GOD'S time." That's when I'll really be ready.

3. Being found... More and more, I've found myself pulling away. Whether that is to avoid hurt or for anything other reason, I'm not 100% sure. But as I do that, I realize all I really want is to be pursued by people that care. Recently I've realized more and more how much God is pursuing me though, with an EVERLASTING love and promise that will never be broken! A lot of the struggles come with insecurities that I haven't been willing to give up to God... Yes, I say that I've prayed about it, and I have... but fully surrendering it would give me MORE freedom than I could ever even imagine. 


Have you caught a theme?


MORE.
[More than the crudy things of this life...]
[More than the mistakes that I make...]
[More than the insecurities about the fact I haven't found "the one..."]
[More than the hurt I anticipate...]


Some thing that surpasses these MORE than I could imagine is God's love and grace.
I must learn to be content with something so much greater than earthly "goods." It will fulfill me and give so much more meaning to life itself if I surrender MORE on a daily basis! Afterall...
"God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." 
[Hebrews 11:40]

Tears...

I've learned...

It's ok to cry.

It's ok to let those emotions out that have been holding me captive.

It's ok to have emotions play a part in my life.

It's ok to be hurt.

It's ok to be sad.

It's ok to love someone enough to be willing to let them go.

It's ok to trust someone enough to let them know the deep things of life.

It's ok to pour out my heart in anguish to God because He WANTS me to.

It's ok to run to my mom for the love and encouragement she has always provided me with.

It's ok to move on.

Now some of you may be thinking, "Wow. She is just now figuring that out?"

Well the answer is yes... I'm stubborn. If you know me at all, you most definitely have figured that out. That stubbornness leads me down more paths of hurt than it would if I just gave it up. I don't let myself cry. I don't let myself get involved with people to the point that I COULD get hurt. I don't talk to people about what is going on. I don't run to people for help. I don't trust.

Why?

To be quite honest, I'm not 100% sure. There have been those times where my trust has been completely broken. It might just be all of the insecurities about myself though that affect the little things in life. Me... Insecure? Yeah right. Ha, I'm the one who has it all together? I'm the one who has gone on to live a wonderful life with nothing hindering me? Oh I wish... 

Little things people may not know about me:

1. I hide behind people. I don't think I'm good enough to be in a spotlight of any kind.

2. I feel like academically I am not excelling at all... All of my friends got at LEAST a 3.9 GPA and are at college for academic scholarships. At Heritage I struggled to keep a 3.5 GPA. Always at the bottom of the chain, especially comparing myself to friends...

3. I have an awful habit of comparing myself to people. Am I bigger than them? Am I dumber than them? She is so much of a better pianist...vocalist...artist...you name it.

4. I struggle with feeling accepted. I can never tell when things are genuine, which makes me doubt most everything.

But these are all things I see God taking into His hands and saying, "Look Grace, I made YOU. You are beautiful. You are special. You are loved. You are MINE. You are perfect. You are made in MY image. You have gifts that no one else has. You have a brain that functions to play a part in the plan I have for you. You have significance. You have a place in this world. You are YOU and don't be anyone else because that's not who I created you to be."

How awesome is that?

It doesn't mean that those won't be a struggle... It just means that God knows them and He is contradicting each and everyone of them as I allow myself to grow closer to Him. As I continue to trust Him with my life and surrender it completely to Him.

God has stretched and grown me in ways that I can't even have begun to imagine... Even this year, these past few weeks, it's been amazing what happens when I am fully surrendered to God. Yes, there have been more tears than normal, but THAT'S OK! God wants those. He doesn't want me harboring in my pain, wallowing in self-pity. He wants me to experience those things so that I might rely on Him in an even more real way than if I hadn't experienced any of these things. It isn't the pain that is bad, it is the way that I react to it that can be detrimental to myself. I can choose to look at it in a way that says, "Oh God is going to teach me something because of this and THEN I'll be even more so a woman of God."

Life is going to be ok. What I must do though is look at it through God's eyes. I truly believe that God hurts when we hurt, but God also sees the big picture. God sees that these trials really are blessings in disguise. And often times, the pain can also be almost a saving grace because it could keep us from going down a road that might have caused more pain had we not experience this trivial little thing at first. 

I really look forward to seeing how God uses all of these tears, emotions, and pain to grow me into the woman of God that He desires for me to become. It isn't something that just God desires but that I also desire for myself! I want to reach the full potential that God might have for me in this life, whatever that may be... Right now that's being single, an elementary education major at Asbury University, desire for missions [especially in Nicaragua], and investing in friendships that will more than likely last a lifetime. I'm gonna be ok with that :)

God has a plan through the tears and uncertainties... He has promised that He won't give me anything that I can't handle. I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me!

Keep on keeping on

This is pretty much how I feel. There is so much surrounding me that I really SHOULD be doing but I get distracted by the littlest... SQUIRREL... things. Dory pretty much is my favorite character right now. She is so carefree, kinda forgetful, and so precious. Yes, she has her own issues but it's the important things that really matter to her! The little things of life can get to her, but when it comes down to it P. Sherman 42 Wallabee Way Sydney is her constant. Just like some of my friends and HOME is a constant for me.
I may not be the brightest cookie in the cookie jar... Actually I'm definitely not, but when I put my mind to something I will accomplish it to the best of my ability cause I know that God has given me the strength to just keep swimming.

God's been trying to teach me a lot. Unfortunately it's been through some pain... Why? That's such a big question that I've been asking. Why, with everything I've gone through already, is THIS happening? Then I realize how selfish of a question that is. Instead I should be asking why NOT me? It is almost a privilege to experience some of these things because God deems me worthy enough to go through trials that will teach me great lessons. I think one of the primary lessons He is trying to get across to me is if I really find Him enough for me. Am I content with JUST Him? Is my happiness and joy found in Him? I'm having to ask myself this on a daily basis. But thankfully God, through it all, is standing there saying "You can do it; you can do it; you can!" This leads me to the picture on the side... No I'm not obsessed with Thomas the train, but I do remember in the little kids movies how all of the kids would start chanting "You can do it; you can do it; you can!" as Thomas was trying to get up the looming hill ahead of him. That's kinda how I feel, except with God on the side holding my hand helping me up. He isn't leaving me out to dry, thankfully! 

I can make it through. Unfortunately it won't be easy... That's what friends and family are for though! Without them I seriously don't know where I'd be. The fact that I have friends that are willing to sit and listen to me cry and talk for hours on end without even making any sense, means the world to me! I just have to trust that God knows back. I just need to keep on keeping on. The things that have transpired can't negatively reflect my relationship with God or anyone else. It should be a learning and growing experience, which I am trying to make it to be! It will all work out. God hasn't left me yet. My dependence and happiness is in Him. Don't ever let me say otherwise. 


Then there's the pain of finals on top of that... Oh the stress that I have to deal with! Thankfully finals in college aren't nearly as big of a deal as in highschool. I have one completely cumulative exam; that's not bad AT ALL. The rest are simply just another test in the class... It's just getting in the mindset of actually studying and taking tests for 4 days in a row that's getting to me. I also have to keep on keeping on in this situation! It'll be over in just a few short days. Thursday. Thursday. Thursday. It can't come soon enough! Then I'm home free and will have absolutely nothing to do over Christmas break! YES. God has gotten me through this semester. And I have so much fun to look forward to coming back and taking FIVE EDUCATION CLASSES!!!!! Just a tad bit excited. Just a tad.


If you've suffered through this blog... Thanks :) Just trying to get some thoughts out. One thing I'm working on is not harboring things inside, I've found it doesn't exactly work to my benefit... God's faithful though, even when my stubbornness and pride can get in the way of acknowledging Him in situations such as this! I'm just not going to worry about it. Worrying doesn't add anything except unpleasantness! I'll keep on keeping on.
"Worry is a burden that God never meant for us to bear."

Power of Prayer

Recently God has revealed to me just how powerful prayer is.

Yes, there have always been those times in life where I'd pray the little "God, can you help me ace this test?" and the next day when I get the test back a big, red A would be stamped on the paper. But I mean... Legitimate, deep things.

Have you ever experienced the thought/feeling that God isn't really listening? That out of all of the people in the world why would He listen to ME? That's kind of how I've felt... There are 6.8 million people out there in the world; what makes me so special that God would take the 2 minutes to listen to my measly prayer?

The answer is simple.

He loves ME.

Yup, He sure does, and that fact just makes me smile.

Back to the beginning though... 

Over the past couple of days I've realized just how much prayer should be a part of my life. Every morning when I wake up that is the first thing that I do. Even if it is simply thanking God for allowing me to wake up for another day... The last thing I do at night is thank Him for His faithfulness throughout the day, as hard or easy it might have been. At random times when I find my insecurities or worries popping up, I'll simply offer up a prayer of surrender and thanks to Him. It's amazing the difference that it makes! I challenge you to try it; just for one day. You'll realize how wonderful of a habit it is though, and keep on doing it... Don't blame me ;)

All of this leads to the main reason for this blog post though... My roommate and I have occasionally prayed together before going to bed. The last time that we did this we prayed about a specific friend who thought he/she was not going to be able to come back to Asbury due to a lack of funds. It is a heartbreaking situation, but we decided to give it to God. Well, last night before bed... Sarah told me that this person had discovered that she is more than likely coming back because the funds were provided! Isn't that just awesome??!??!!?? God is so faithful and just. He tells us to come to Him and He will give us the desires of our heart. 

Now make a note... That' DOESN'T always mean yes. It could be a "no" followed by a "I've got something even better planned for you..." I saw this picture [look above and to the right] on Pintrest the other day and it really got me.

It's so true. I unfortunately cannot control everything... But I am sure thankful that I know someone who CAN and DOES. He controls positively everything about my life. Such a reassuring fact.

Tonight I was really struggling with something... My roommate could just tell I was having a hard time. Needless to say I finally broke down and cried. That's big, because I DON'T cry if I can help it. But as I've quickly learned here at Asbury, it's better to get things out rather than let them boil up inside of me... [My mom will probably be rejoicing over this little statement! She's been telling me that for YEARS! :D] The next thing I knew, Sarah was sitting beside me on our cold, carpeted dorm room floor and just started praying. You can't even imagine the peace that flooded over me. All I simply needed to do was pray. Thank the Lord for Sarah for that reminder and just the sweet act of friendship she displayed by doing that.

I don't know where that situation will go... But it's in God's hands now. I'll let him take care of it. Afterall, who of us can add a day to our lives by worrying? 

Submission

Another mind hitting chapel.
Especially regarding something I've struggled with.

SUBMISSION.
In short, this is giving into something, right? Well in a manner of speaking it is, but it's so much more than that. When I was younger I always heard the phrase "submit to your authorities..." Blah blah blah. I kinda came to resent that phrase. But as I've continued to grow up, I've realized how crucial that really is. God has called us to submit to those older than us. Now that won't necessarily mean we'll enjoy it all the time. Because I mean, be realistic, who enjoys submitting to their parent over an issue that you're convinced you're correct about? Not me. [That could also just be part of my stubbornness.]
This morning, though, the speaker spoke on the Christmas story. Woo-hoo. We hear it all the time; Mary was told she was pregnant; Joseph decided to not divorce her; traveled to Bethlehem to have the baby; Angels appeared to shephards; and lastly JESUS WAS BORN. Yeah! 
Ok but how much of that have we thought about? Mary was TOLD she was pregnant. Can you imagine that? I sure can't. I mean, as much as I want to get married, phew I'm not ready for a kid just about yet. But just think about how much she had to submit with that simple phrase that said "You will be with child from the Holy Spirit." Can't exactly say no to God then.
1. Submission is letting God call the shots.
This is exactly what Mary had to do. Since she grew up in favor of God obviously she learned at a young age the concept of submission, but the real test came when Gabriel showed up to her. Would I do the same? To be honest... Probably not. I think I'd be scared out of my mind and unsure of what to do. But as I've slowly been learning, I just need to submit to God. He's the one who is going to make His plan perfect in and through my life.


1. Submission is an expression of humility.
I think God has been trying to teach me this a lot recently. I've got a lot of pride, and when I say a lot... unfortunately I mean quite a bit. It's something I really need to work on. But see underneath it, is a lot of insecurities and struggles. But with submission comes the diminishing of those because God will honor that. The chapel speaker said something this morning that really struck me... "There are times when I have no control over the circumstances of life this is when we let God be God. He is God. We are not." Wow. So often I just brush aside the fact that God is there. 
It is through my humbleness that God will control all of those happenings that I think might be spinning out of control. With my pride in the way, He just stands back and almost chuckles... He probably thinks to Himself, "Oh that Grace... if only she'd let Me do the work...." Life would just be so much easier.


2. Submission is rooted in the character of God.
If I say that I want to be like God, this blatantly has to be a part of  me. God draws us near to him, but if we don't submit there can't be any drawing near to Him or becoming like Him in His image. Therefore... How can we NOT submit to Him? After all the effects of submission are far greater than the effects of not submitting... We can be blessed, we can reap the rewards of following after Christ.

Submission is so key in my life. Mary has slowly become such an example to me. I want to be the kind of girl that would, at the drop of a hat, say "Yes Lord, I am Your servant." But say it in a way where God initiates it, I am humble, and it draws me closer to God. The kind of girl that is content when there is no boy in the picture... The kind of girl who invests in relationships that will last a lifetime not for my own benefit, but for theirs... The kind of girl who has siblings who look up and want to model her because they see Christ in her... THAT kind of girl.
That picture I had at the beginning? The empty hands? Yeah this is how I should come to God. Open-handed, open-minded, humble... And through that the smallest seed will be sown and eventually bloom into a beautiful flower; which in my life would be God's character evident in everything that I do.

Grace, Grace, God's Grace

So you may be wondering... What in the world does this picture have to do with anything? Well... there is a funny story behind it [if you'd really like to know, just ask] but as I started thinking about it quite a few thoughts came to mind.
Let me start in the beginning though...
Chapel today really got to me.
Like REALLY.
What exactly is grace?
According to Webster's Dictionary [my trusty little friend] it is:
1) elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action
2) a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment
3)favor or goodwill.
4)a manifestation of favor
5) mercy; clemency; pardon


So what does this have to do with the picture or chapel? Well let me explain..


Chapel today was all about God's grace. This is a lesson that I've grown up hearing... Typical God's Grace is everywhere, blah, blah, blah.. Same ol' same ol. Now don't think that's a good way to go about looking at it, because it isn't. I'm just saying this is the attitude to have, as wrong as it was. Needless to say, I wasn't really expecting to get anything out of the chapel, as Monday's chapel just wasn't good... But God had different plans. I don't remember the last time I've heard such an enthusiastic pastor; so on fire for God; so wanting US to be on fire for God. That's to be expected though, right? At a Christian college? Well the speaker gave us no slack. But it wasn't by OUR doing that he was talking about it... It's through God's grace. 
Do you know how evident that is in our every day life? Seriously. Just think about it. 
It's evident even in us just waking up.
Evident in being able to walk around campus.
Evident in the friendships that I've made.
Evident in EVERYTHING.
God's grace is everywhere. But what really struck me today is how much His grace is evident in trials and pain. I've never really thought about the fact that through everything that I've experience God's actually been OFFERING me grace. I've thought of probably everything else besides that... Why not grace, you might be asking? Well, that's because I just didn't see grace in the situations that I've been through. Why is grace necessary in dealing with an anorexic sister? Why is grace necessary in moving states away senior year? Why is grace necessary when dealing with friendship issues?
Because God dealt with so much more with that so that WE may offer the grace that He gave us just a little glimpse of. There is nothing that doesn't involve grace. So often we need the mercy that grace offers us. It's how we respond to those situations, how we deal with them that requires the grace of God. Yet, even without realizing it, God gave it to me so unconditionally. Let me just say, I am SO SO thankful for that!
Today though I realized the extent of that grace. I couldn't have made it through those trials without it. The particular passage that the speaker used was 2 Corinthians 12:9, which says, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." This is  said by Paul, who in and of itself has such an amazing testimony... He was willing to stand up throughout his trials because he KNEW God's grace was going to carry him through. If only I had used my brain a little more... But through this realization I realized how much easier it would've been if I had just relied on His grace. It's such a great resource, we just need to put it to use. 


So all that to say. While looking at the above picture I realized how much that is a representation of God to us. Through all of the crap that we go through, God is still there extending His grace to us. We don't deserve it. If in all honesty, God should have a major "cootie shot" because His extensions to us are so immense and overpowering, yet He doesn't mind. One bit. He just wants us to realize that it isn't through our own power that we are getting through it. Once we come to that, it makes like even better because then we DO know how we are getting through trials and tribulation! 
God's willing to "risk the cooties," or in other words, extend us the grace that we don't even deserve only if we are willing to accept it, and not only accept it, but accept it with Thanksgiving. 
Am I willing to accept the grace God has so generously bestowed upon me?
The song "Grace, Grace, God's Grace" has a whole new meaning.. Especially since the previous one was that of dislike because my parents always sang it to me when I was in some kind of trouble, they especially liked to do it at restaurants! So embarrassing... That's beside the point though :P God's grace really is greater than all my sins, all my pride, all my trials, all my weakness, all my worries, all my struggles, all my insecurities, all my LIFE.
Go listen to the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qGBULpVUDU
There, I even provided you with a link :)
But anyways... All of that to say I am so thankful that despite my stupidity sometimes, God STILL extends His grace to me on a regular basis!
Sorry, half of that probably doesn't even make sense... I was just kind of writing whatever came to mind because I hadn't blogged in a while! Thanks for suffering through reading it, or if you just skipped to end, thanks for thinking this had something worth while at the end! :)

Coincidence?

Is it simply a coincidence that at the age of 7 I met someone who is still today someone I consider my best friend?
I think not... From the start God had it planned that I would meet Lynnette Therese Sauer in Miss Braham's first grade class. While we weren't really friends until 7th grade, it's such a wonder that we had "play dates" back in the day. Every single day I thank God for her friendship. She's been through so much with me; and despite my numerous ups and downs she still loves me, and I her. More than she probably knows!

Is it simply a coincidence that God put me at Heritage Christian School for eleven school years?

Absolutely not! It was there that my passion for children was nurtured... It was there that I made some friends I'll have for life... It was there I had some of the most amazing teachers that I could ever have... It was there I learned more about God than I probably would have most other places... It was there I was in the number 2 choir in the state of Indiana.

Is it simply a coincidence that God moved my family June 2010 to Bristol, TN right before my senior year?

As much as I wish it was, it wasn't. At all. My attitude going there was absolutely terrible, but one thing I know for sure now, that was MOST definitely God's will for my family. If I hadn't moved I don't think God would have stretched me quite as much as he did over this past year. My sister and I are closer than ever. Overall, there have probably been more positives than negative effects. I won't say there weren't qualms, because there most definitely were... And I won't lie, home is still IN, but I know that my family is where God has them, therefore I am perfectly content going to TN to go visit. Also, I invested in some wonderful friendships that I wouldn't have today had I stayed behind and finished senior year in IN. God is good in it all.

Is it a coincidence that my dad is now working for David Stevens, which is how I heard of Asbury?
Of course not! I know that God would have made it clear if Asbury had been the place for me even if my dad hadn't taken the job at CMDA, but now I see how much more of the plan this was that God had for me in the long run. Yes, my attitude when I first visited Asbury was terribly. I didn't want to go AT ALL. But God does some crazy things when we decide to surrender our will to His. Afterall, His is better in the first place!

Is it a coincidence that I didn't know anyone coming to Asbury, therefore I went potluck for my roomie?

NO NO NO. If anything it was an absolute blessing! I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful roommate. Sarah and I compliment each other so nicely. We both work around each others schedules, and despite some of our different schedules we have had some wonderful conversations and fun times :) Including, but not limited to, talking until 2 in the morning... racing to the bathroom [which is literally 2 steps away]... laughing until we are crying. I love her!

Is it a coincidence that at least half of the group of friends that I have made did NOT want to come to Asbury in the first place?

Nope. It just adds to the uniqueness of our group. It's so fantastic how God led all of our paths to intertwine the way that they did. Seriously, what are the odds of that? There were 8 of us that went to Orange Leaf tonight on a whim, and on the way back in the car was myself, Kale, Hunter, and Sarah [my roomie.] And we got to talking about how we wound up at Asbury... All 4 of us admitted that we really didn't even consider Asbury at first; when we visited all of us had pretty bad attitudes about it. What is the irony of that? Now we are all here, knowing that we are exactly where God has us, and all friends.


God works in some mysteriously wonderful ways!

Love hurts, but never fails.

Story time:

So one time there was a girl who thought she knew the meaning of love. She grew up in a home in which love was a prominent affection shown. Her parents loved each other, God, and her. What could be better, right? God loved her as well, therefore of course, at the ripe age of 13 she KNEW what love really was. That one day when she walked into a new Sunday School, well let's just say it was "love at first sight."He was the most attractive guy she had ever seen.
 Brown hair, blue eyes... The epitome of tall, dark and handsome. What could be better? She conveniently got quickly involved in the church, even in the band. Within weeks, this girl was convinced this was the boy she was going to marry. For a year it went on like this, only this time the boy even seemed to be showing similar affections towards the girl. Oh, the conversations that happened at sleepovers then!It even led to going to Winter Formal together, freshmen year of highschool. Life was grand. Everyone believed they were the perfect couple, she just knew they were going to get married. A year later though, things happened when they were least expected to. Now, let me preface this with, this girl wasn't allowed to date until the age of 16, which the boy respected. So November of the year before her birthday rolled around, and she noticed something was a little bit different, but refused to acknowledge it... Little did she know of the heartbreak that was right around the bend. Her sixteenth birthday came and went, as did her lifetime of no boyfriend. Only to find out a month later, he had been talking to another girl and asked her out the following month.


THE END.
Great story, right? Not quite our picture perfect, fairy tale ending that society portrays on a regular basis. What was the last movie that you watched that didn't end happily? I bet you'll have to think long and hard about that one. For goodness sake, I watched "Beauty and the Beast" tonight and was swooning over that, which is semi-pathetic considering it's a cartoon... But hey, can't mess with the classics!


But for those of you who know me, know that this is my story. Now granted, some things may have been a tad bit exaggerated considering this was all in my little 13-16 year old mind. [Which, might I just add, I am extremely grateful I am done with those years of life!]
It's never easy though. Heartbreak never is... Even in something as trivial as a middle school "relationship." Now you all may not think this is as traumatic as some cases... But honestly, it still affects me today. My trust of guys is so low, as is my self-esteem in regards to relationships. Someday, some guy will come along and prove that not all boys are dogs [as Basil told us in Bible Study on Thursday night...] 
And as much as someone may say they are "over them," it doesn't mean that the pain has gone away... Probably to this day, I hold some hurt from that relationship. But the key is forgiveness. If I hadn't been able to forgive this particular person then I don't know where I would stand in bitterness right now. I will clear something up right now, I DO NOT have feelings for this person anymore, at least not in the way that I did. I consider him a friend, which was a hard point to come to, but it is so much better that way.


But as much as love can hurt, it NEVER fails. Because guess what?


GOD IS LOVE.


Woah.
Therefore meaning we can never really know love... Yes, we can in the agape sense of loving someone else here on earth, but this is nothing compared to the love than transcends all things. This love never fails. It surrounds us, wraps us up, comforts us, and embraces us with its warmth. 


Yes, I thought I knew what love was, but now I realize it's all a learning process. Each and every day I am taught a new concept about the word love. I realize how much there is to learn about love. Not saying that you can't feel it at a young age, because I fully believe that people can fall in love, but there is so much more out there just waiting to be gathered up and be taken into use.
Thankfully, since human love fails us, God's love never does. 


I also don't know if any of this even made sense, or flowed... But I just needed to write out some thoughts, and thought this would be the best place to do it.

"Your love is amazing, steady and unchanging
Your love is a mountain, firm beneath my feet
Your love is a mystery, how you gently lift me
When I am surrounded, your love carries me"

[So true about God's love. Rely on this.]

Natural Beauty

Guess what?

Did you know that you really don't need make-up to look beautiful? In fact, as of recently... I've heard from more of my guy friends that they prefer it when girls don't wear pound and pounds of make-up because they are beautiful without it.

And it's really true.

Often times make-up is used to cover up blemishes... Now, don't get me wrong, I totally see where a little bit of cover-up and mascara might be helpful, but they are by no means necessary. We are made in God's image, so how can we be anything less than what He created us to be? God is perfect... If we were made in His image, what does that make us? Well, since we're human we aren't perfect, but God did make us perfectly in His sight. When he looks at us he doesn't see those pimples, scars, chapped lips, and pale skin... No, instead he sees us through the cross, which makes us redeemed, precious, treasures of His.

Make-up isn't wrong by any means. I admit, I am guilty of using it as a cover-up. To try to blend myself into looking like something that isn't necessarily me. But it can get to the point where it is almost addicting and self-relying for our own self-confidence. So many girls today find that they feel ugly without make-up. Personally, I find that a bit ridiculous. Yes, I don't feel like I look my best without make-up on, but I know that I don't look like the world might as well end. Putting too much reliance and trust on things such as make-up can lead to a misperception of who are true selves are.

Make-up is almost like a new facade. Putting it on makes you look beautiful and put together. While, if you don't have it on you can have the appearance of being tired or worn out... But you know what? That's ok! It's life. You're not the only one that actually goes through this thing called life--we all experience it! It's how we choose to handle it that makes all of the difference.

Natural beauty is something that isn't as highly spoken of anymore. Therefore leading to a challenge I'm presenting to myself for the next month... and that is to go completely with a natural look. No Make-Up November. It's a play off of No Shave November (if you feel like doing that, be my guest... personally I find it a tad uhm... interesting for girls to do? But whatever floats your boat!) But this encourages us to evaluate our own self esteem for when we don't have the cover-up of make-up to help us look our "best." True beauty will shine out of our faces, as God's light overflows through our shadow-free eyes.

If you're going for wanting to attract a guy... Try going the natural route. If it's the man you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with, he'll love you no matter what. Who knows, he may think you're absolutely stunning without everything to hide your blemishes [after all, we girl are human too, but we find ways to cover that up :P] A quote I found tonight says this: "A little make up does make your guy happy, but not all of that! Guys like you more when you are without it, because it shows the real self of you" Plus that shouldn't be all we are after for... Yes make-up can be used as a little self esteem booster, but I encourage you to go look in the mirror and repeat to yourself, "I am God's daughter. He made me in His image. I am beautiful." It's true. This is what God says when he looks at us. After all, when he created man in the garden he looked and said, "It was very good." How awesome is that? From the first day, God knew His creation was good. Then again, it's God, how could it not?

You all are beautiful, wonderful, children of God. Embrace it.

"There could never be a more beautiful you to fight the lies, disguises and hoops they make you jump through. You were made to fill a purpose, that only you can do. So there can never be a more beautiful you."

PS: Watch this video.

Where is the love?

Oh the songs that are associated with the word love...

"L is for the way you look at me.

O is for the only one I see.

V is very, very extraordinary.

E is even more than anything that I adore."

"You are my forever love.

From the bottom of my heart I’ll sing to You

                                              From the depths of who I am I love You

With everything inside I’ll run to You‘

Cause all that I’ve become I owe to You"

"Love is a shelter in a raging storm

                                       Love is peace in the middle of a war

And if we try to leave, 

may God send angels to guard the door

No, love is not a fight 

but it's something worth fighting for."

"Can you feel the love tonight?

                                                      It is where we are.

It's enough of this wide-eyed wonder

That we come got this far!"

"You stay the same through the ages

                                               Your love never changes

There may be pain in the night 

but joy comes in the morning"

"Oh how He loves us so!"

But...

"Where is the love?"

All around our world we use the word love in reference to how we feel about something... Which most of the time is an appropriate use, but when it gets to the point that we're using it flippantly, the meaning is void. 
We use this word, yet it is not evidenced at all. Am I continually showing love to people? Am I a definition of the word love?
You know who IS and always WILL BE love?


God.


God is love. 


So now if we were to ask that question... "Where is the love?" Well its surrounding us every second of the day. God never leaves, and is always present. That can be a scary thought at times, knowing that we can never get away from someone. We're always able to find ways to escape those earthly surroundings, but its gets tricky, no, it's impossible to do that with God. But how often do we/I feel His love? It's a matter of choice. He offers it to us right as we wake up. The very first thing that should be on our minds is the renewing of his unending love. Without it, could we make it through the day? Absolutely not.


I saw this picture on a friends face book page the other day and it actually spurred on a lot of these thoughts...

This is actually now my screen saver on my laptop, but in the corner I added the words "In the beginning, God." Do you realize how much of an act of love this was towards us? I was blown away by it. Genesis 1:1 is the VERY first reference to God's love for us. I mean, he didn't have to do anything in the beginning, but he WAS in the beginning, meaning love was the beginning.

God is so wonderful. Just reflect on that. I mean, it's simply evidenced by that picture. Who else could create a pattern so intricate as that through clouds? CLOUDS ARE WATER VAPOR. [Despite contrary belief that we can fly up in the sky and simply recline on one...]

But seriously... Why would anyone create something like that if he didn't love us? If He wasn't love?

Love is enough. 

Love is essential.

Love is here.

God is love.